When I boil down all my problems it always comes to the same thing. I won't accept love. When something's going crazy and I'm freaking out it is because I don't trust God, I don't trust God because I don't believe he loves me. When I feel alone and I try to get myself to remember all the love that has been shown to me I reject and push it away. Why? Why do I push away the very thing I want???
Why do i reject love? I want it badly. I long for it but why do I reject it when it is offered? Do I want to be tough that badly? Maybe I'm not sure if I give into it I will be a let down. I guess I'm worried that I will wake up on the ground and then find that I'm being yelled at to get up, stand on my own two feet and that this desire I had for love wasn't reality and I was a fool for falling for it. Maybe I'm afraid that if I seek it, it will be gone. Maybe if I allow myself to open up I will be told that I am annoying and unwanted the way I am.
My biggest fear is opening up completely and being rejected.
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