Love the Way You Lie

Just gonna stand there
And watch me burn
But that's alright
Because I like
The way it hurts
Just gonna stand there
And hear me cry
But that's alright
Because I love
The way you lie
I love the way you lie
I love the way you lie

When I heard this song I wondered why it felt so comforting. I didn't like the idea that I'd rather have pain mixed with love. Why did I feel better with pain when I was made to love God and to be loved back? Why can't I trust his perfect love?

So I wrote this to myself in hopes of realizing why I was like this:

"You have love and pain messed up. You are comfortable when you feel pain because it is familiar. But love is foreign territory and you don't know how to react. Because love doesn't force itself on you, you push it away. But you glance over to see if it will come back. It went away like you told it to and now you're upset because you are alone.

"You like the pain because it forces its way in. You feel like the whole world avoids you, ignores you, doesn't want to see inside you but pain hits you deep inside. Pain finds your vulnerable parts. So the only way you can accept love is if it causes you pain. You need the pain to go straight through your defenses and then you want love to embrace you."

I was trying to understand, why do I want to push away God's perfect love and go after a love that abuses me? Because I've been hurt, I put up walls. Pain is the only thing that forces itself past those walls and into the core of me. When I am presented with love it scares me. I wonder 'Why don't you just push your way in?' Love is patient. Love doesn't come in unless it is invited. Love waits patiently, gently reminding you that it is there waiting for you to ask for it.

One time, it was explained to me that God is a gentleman. He won't force himself or his desires onto you. He waits for you. With a lack of that in our lives, we look to the other examples (family, friends, movies) set before us and go after what is familiar. But if we lived in a pile of poop it doesn't mean that we should continue to go to that pile when presented with a comfortable,clean place to live. It doesn't make any sense.

You were made to be loved by a perfect love. God made us for that purpose. And he wants you to love him back.