Note to the Devil

To Satan:

Why did you do this to me? What did a nine year old ever do to you that you had to reject her and make her feel like she has to fight for herself everyday of her life?

Every morning I wake up and wish that I was still asleep. I hate either what I have to do that day or hate that I feel that what I am doing has no purpose. Either way, when faced with a new day I want it to end before it begins.

I have great attributes but you told me I am lame and that I am annoying. And I believed you. You've tainted my view on everything that, I have come to learn, was suppose to be good for me. I can't trust anyone or anything. Love is something that sucks the life out of you and doesn't look back. Authority uses its power to make itself feel better. No one is here for me.

These are the things you have drummed into my head and beaten my heart with. You have poisoned me with this mantra since I was a small, defenseless child that had no choice but to believe you. And I hate what you have done to me.

Now, I have to spend the rest of my life fighting these thoughts and feelings that should not have been dumped into a child. You piss me off, you make me pissed at myself, you make me pissed off at people who have done nothing to deserve anger towards them, you make me pissed at people I need to be loving.

You hate me. You hate the one that created us. But how could you think you could be better than Him when HE made you and all of this and all you can do is destroy? I hate what you have done to us, I hate what you've done to me.

I can't understand your thinking. Even if you went based on solid logic there is no way you can achieve your desired goal. That alone would make anyone back off. You are evil and you have done horrible things to my brothers and sisters and the rest of the world.

Why? Why would you do this? Are you so bent on hurting God that this doesn't affect you? That the reality of what you are doing doesn't reach you? Do you not have a heart? A conscious?

Maybe you are like this because you have never experienced God's love. Would that make a difference? I realize God has made us differently so the way you function is not the same as us humans. But I know that who God is is not deniable.I may have been writing this out of ignorance but I know that what the bible has said who God is more than you will ever be. You will not be able to stop His will. I can not relate to you because I am loved by Him. I wish there was something I could do or say to you that would make you stop what you are doing. I wish you had a heart I could have compassion on but I don't know if you have a heart or if there is anything to have compassion on in you.

I am sorry you decided this. And if by some way you wanted to change I would be the first to want to be there for it, because Jesus or God would have to do it because I would not be strong enough. I am not doing this for any reason than that God made me this way. I don't want anyone to be left out. God made you and I don't think you were made for this purpose, just like I wasn't made to live in unbelief, loneliness, and separation from Him.

So think about it. Go and have a chat with God.I know you've done it because you talked to Him about Job.

Sincerely Not Yours but Abba's,
Adele