Come Away

Today at work it was slow, like every other Monday. So I was bored and I was re evaluating things, like I like to do. Analyzing myself, God, and the stuff that's been going on in my life. And I started writing down on the back of a receipt this little excerpt of what's going on in my mind:

There's a voice inside me that says "God doesn't care. He used love to draw you in, but after you've experienced that you are suppose to work for the "cause" and obey. I mean, souls are waiting on the otherside of your obedience. They're gonna go to hell if you don't suck in all that mushy crap and just obey. You're just gonna look like a fool to God being all sappy. He won't say anything about how annoying it is because if he lets you believe you are in this awesome love then you will do whatever he says and you'll get the job done."

And I start believing. After a while of living with that thought I hear someone talk about David and how honest he is with God in Psalms or I see someone during worship just talking about how God loves us soo much. I think "How is it like this? No, no he doesn't love me. Well, he doesn't love me as much as they're talking about."

I believe it's a scam. All this love stuff is just a rouse to get us to do whatever he wants. Have you seen a woman in love with someone that actually doesn't love her back? She does the craziest things, women have killed for the man they love, they have devoted their whole life to his comfort and pleasure while they have nothing. All they get in return is abuse. The only thing I've seen for examples in my life is when you devote your whole life to something it's all false. The guy doesn't love you, he actually thinks of you as less than an animal. Your job fires you a year before you can retire and get benefits. You're used to destroy lives because the person you've devoted yourself to is too lazy to get his hands dirty.

When it comes down to it, if you let yourself be devoted, you get screwed over and you don't realize it because you are so blinded by your love, or passion, that you don't see it until they have left you...alone. Devotion puts you in a place where you will be treated as an object, you are no longer considered a human.

I've been opening up to God a lot more so I can say all this and actually know it's a lie. I know I was made to live devoted to God. That a passion inside of me is fulfilled when I live for him. I was created for the very reason to glorify him. And I can say with more honesty than before that God loves me. The lie that I've believed about getting sucked in and used is actually what the enemy tries to do to us every minute of every day.

It is up to me to choose to believe God when he says "I have plans for you, plans to give you hope and a future, not to harm you."

There is this song that Chris Aquila sings called "come Away" and it is a song that makes me feel like it is God calling me.