Tuesday, November 23, 2010

Confessions of A Fatherless Child


Authority is suppose to be a word we use for certain people and something we are suppose to "respect" but to me it's something that allows certain people to command me to do something and if I choose not to do what they say I am punished. A person in authority is no different to me than any other except that there are bigger consequences if I do not follow what that person wants.

Honestly, it means nothing else to me.

For some reason there is this expectation that we should listen and obey the ones that someone says is in charge but yet no really follows through with completely. Have you done everything your boss has told you to do? Have you complained about what the current president has done or hasn't done? Have you ever gone over the speed limit? Even by half a mile?

We defy authority all the time. Our country was built on people that defied their authority and our nation's youth have grabbed a hold of that for every part of their lives. Why do people do their jobs then? Why do they still go to work and do what their boss tells them to do even when they don't want to? You ask anyone who has a job that they work because they need the money for something. Otherwise they wouldn't be there. No one would listen to their boss if they didn't have to worry about getting fired.

For most of the people I've seen, the reasons for following authority are lies and wishful thinking. The older people do it because they've been taught since they were young. Now, we do it so we can get what we want in the end. Otherwise we leave. And the people in authority give a bunch of reasons because if we didn't believe them then no one would do what they want.

Am I wrong about this? Perhaps. I know the bible disagrees. But this is what the fatherless generation has been left to. You slack on your job as a parent or in your position of authority and this is what you get. You screw up your job then the very people you were suppose to teach and guide will rebel against you and not listen to a word you say. People complain that the youth are out of control, but who taught them? Who left them to figure it out on their own? Because God is in my life I will probably get through this but there is a whole world of people out there that think like this and have no reason to believe otherwise.

Monday, November 15, 2010

God Just Created Me This Way!


Today I was driving with Mike back to the dorms and he loves to listen to Christopher Hopper's band so that's what we were listening to. We were singing "Heaven Meets Earth" and I had a thought. Not pertaining too much to what the song was saying but something I had thought about a few times.

Maybe I should explain the context first and then my thought because in my mind it makes total sense but what is the point in a blog if only I can understand it? So anyway, I analyze a lot. I have probably analyzed most of my world, thoughts, and experiences. I mean I observe and analyze emotions and thoughts while I am still having them, when most people will think about it after the fact.

So a few times I have analyzed the way I think and how could I think the way I do if God didn't make me this way? I mean I don't think that brilliant ideas that come from my head have nothing to do with God. I would have to work a lot harder to get these ideas. Remembering many experiences, going over things I have seen and heard, then taking out of those things what I need and then putting them all together, it wouldn't make sense for me to have a random good idea that only took a second to form when it should take hours of hard concentration to work through all the files stored in my head and decide with the right amount of wisdom what I need.

To sum it up, I can't really create anything without God's help.

So then as I was singing "heaven meets earth" I was looking over the problems I've had in my life and I was going to go into a rant I've thrown at God many times and say "God why didn't you put better models in my life of who you are and what your kingdom looks like." That's sort of how it starts.

But this time as I started yelling, I (or maybe it was God) was like "Adele, that's right, you shouldn't be this way. Look at how your life was growing up. You shouldn't be as smart as you are. Look at all the wisdom you've received without all the experience most people have to go through to know what you know. You've been to China. God wants you to go to Japan. With your life, this wouldn't be your future. God has invested a lot in you. Look at what he's given you and the way he is leading you into his plans. You are blessed. He's been preparing you, training you, molding you, and he's invested a lot into you."

It's a pretty awesome thing when you actually understand this. All my life people have said these things are a blessing and such but I think I've been too familiar with them and I've wanted blessings others have had. It's kind of like a 6 year old who's given an iPhone. They have no idea what the cost of that iPhone is or what it took to get the money to buy it. They can't appreciate all the things that can be accessed and used in an iPhone.

I am not a 6 year old in this area of understanding my blessings. I am a 20 year old that has continued to see my blessings through the eyes and understanding of a 6 year old.

I had a great time with God yesterday. For the first time I was open enough to have a conversation with him. Usually I rant about things or just say "what do you want to tell me" and then just listen to the silence. But, at least for now, God talked kind of like he was a second "me". Like when I would say "I don't understand this" and I would sort of hear myself give me an explanation or I would see a picture that would explain it to me. Normally,I would think this was me counseling or teaching myself but I see now that it has been God this whole time. Even though I don't hear a voice that sounds like a man in my head I know that it is God speaking to me in a way that I can easily understand and not get weirded out, 'cause if I did have a man's voice in my head I might start thinking I was schizophrenic and not think it was God.

One cool thing is that when I talk to someone and they are responding to me I start thinking of what I want to say next or I stop talking and then continue what I also want to say in my head. But with God I am talking to him in my head already. So I can't ask him something and then start thinking something else while I am waiting for him to respond. It was sort of a comical moment.

So I have learned to hear God in this one way. I know that when I think of things that take all of 2 seconds to think of most of the time it is God, not me. It is God giving me that piece of wisdom or that random idea.

Maybe I should rename my blog to something that has to do with a daughter getting to know her father. I probably won't because it might cause confusion if someone is trying to find my blog and they don't know the name is changed. Plus, it'd probably get complicated so I will keep it this way.

P.S
Thank you to all the people who have been reading my blog and really thank you for the people who have commented. I write these things to share with you and it is so cool to hear your responses. It's really encouraging, otherwise I feel like I am just talking to a wall, LOL ^_^

Saturday, November 13, 2010

Lima, My Home Away From Home...... In A Way

So we are in Lima for the Saturate conference at Elim Gospel Church. I love the conference but the thing that is affecting me a lot is being around where all the Campus Target people are. It makes me miss China more and it makes me really miss the community I had with CT'ers in China. I want to be in China so bad right now. I got to see little Maia!! She's so adorable! I don't know if I have ever met a baby that I connected with so fast before.I just look in her eyes and I want to be her friend when she's older. I want to know who she is and what she thinks. It's funny to see a baby one time and think about it like that.